I Am Not Who They Say I Am

 Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting.

Not just on the people who have hurt me, neglected me, or abused me throughout my life — but also on the stories I’ve told myself about who I am because of those experiences.

For so long, I believed what others said about me.
That I was too much.
Too emotional.
Too heavy with my baggage.

And it’s true — I am emotional.
I do carry a lot of trauma and pain.
But here’s the truth that no one talks about: because of all that, I am also one of the most deeply caring, generous, and loving people you will ever meet.

I love hard.
I give freely.
I try, every single day, to show up better than I did yesterday — as a friend, a sister, a daughter, a wife, and a mother.

But taking accountability for myself hasn’t been easy.
There have been times when I’ve had to cut ties with people I love, and those decisions came with judgment. Every time I choose myself, someone has something to say about it. And for a long time, I let their words sink into me like truth.

So I started asking myself:

• Is what they’re saying true?

• Is it kind?

• Is it necessary?

• Is it something I need to work on within myself?

Sometimes the answer was yes. And in those moments, I tried to lean into growth.
But often, the answer was no.

Because here’s the reality: self-criticism runs deep in me. I don’t need anyone else to point out my flaws — I do that all on my own. What I do need is the reminder that I’m also good at the roles I play, because I take time to reflect and hold myself accountable for the way I treat others.

You don’t have to like me.
You don’t have to agree with my choices or share my values.

But what I will no longer accept is people using my decisions as an excuse to treat me unfairly or unkindly.

I am not the names I’ve been called.
I am not the lies told about me.
I am not the projections of people who couldn’t love me as I am.

I am a woman who feels deeply, who loves deeply, and who is still learning to extend that same grace and truth to herself.

And I am not who they say I am.